I cried today. Those silent tears. The ones that aren’t evident unless one is really paying attention. Sometimes life knocks you down over and over. You have a multitude of days where seemingly nothing works out & you think nothing ever will. Today wasn’t one of those days. Someone believed in me. Showed compassion. Someone let it be known I’m more than I think I am. God’s light lit up that moment. That moment I was more than my past. I cried today. More silent tears. The ones that people aren’t overtly aware of. Sometimes life lifts you up. You have days where everything works out as it should. Today was that day. Today someone believed in me. Believed in my dream. Believed and supported the dream that God gave me. God brought me past who I used to be. Brought me a renewed sense of who He wants me to be. Of how He wants to use me for His will. I cried today. Silent tears. God hears.
“I am inadequate.”
That phrase. It’s a phrase that hurts… Hurts to say… Hurts to feel… Hurts to believe. And, as much as it hurts, I tell myself that everyday, multiple times a day. Yes, I just admitted that. It’s a phrase that I have made myself not only hear but believe. To an extent, it’s true. But to me, it’s more than true. It’s true because without God that’s exactly what I am. It’s more than true because I have let myself believe that’s all I am.
Most days and most moments I cannot see past my inadequacy. It’s literally crippling. There are times where I can’t seem to get anything done that I know I need to get done because of this feeling of inadequacy. I hate it. It hurts to admit it, but it has to be done.
There’s a song by Lauren Daigle that says, “I’ve been hiding, afraid I’ve let you down.” That. That depicts the feeling of inadequacy. When I feel inadequate, I hide. I hide who I truly am. I hide what God’s love has truly done for me.
In that same song, it says: “You say that I am free. You plead my cause. You right my wrongs. You break my chains. You overcome.” That. That’s what God’s love has done for me and continues to do for me. This life is hard, and there will be times that I continue to feel inadequate. Because alone, I am. But with God, I’m not. I am enough.
When I first started writing this, the title was: “I am inadequate.” As you may see that has changed.
“I am enough.”
I am enough because God says I am free. I am enough because He pleads my cause. I am enough because He rights my wrongs. I am enough because He breaks my chains. I am enough because He overcame. He overcame death for me. I am enough because He is enough.
Today, I learned something that I’ve known before that God reminded me needs to be brought to my heart. Matthew 6:9-13 says, “Pray then like this: ‘Our Father in Heaven, hallowed be your name. Your will be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.'” Prayer is all about purpose. Don’t make prayer about self; make it about God’s will. There is nothing greater.