Did you ever wonder why?

Did you ever wonder why
I told you I hated you?
It was because
I couldn’t stand to see
walk away,
I couldn’t stand to see you leave
everything behind,
I couldn’t bear the thought
of you leaving and never coming back,
even though you promised me
you would see me again,
I couldn’t stand the thought
of you being one of the many
to die in a war that couldn’t be won,
I couldn’t stand to see you
waste your whole life on something
that wasn’t even worth fighting.
Did you ever wonder
why I never looked back?
It’s because if I did I would have let
myself go, I wouldn’t have been able
to bear the pain of seeing you walk away like that,
I didn’t want you to see me that weak,
you wouldn’t have been able to do your duty,
I had the feeling I would never see you again
but doesn’t everyone?
Did you wonder why
I never wrote you?
It was because
I didn’t want the day to
come where I never got
one again, I didn’t want
another soldier knocking
on my door telling me they
were sorry for something
they should never
apologize for.
Did you ever wonder
why I never answered
when you called?
It was because I
couldn’t stand to hear
your voice over a thousand miles away,
I didn’t want you
to have to hear me break
down and cry
and you not being there with me,
I couldn’t stand the thought
of that being our last goodbye,
Did you ever wonder what I was thinking?
Well, I’ll tell you,
I was thinking that
I wished you would have never left
Because that is the worst pain
I have ever felt.

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